Good afternoon, world.
I’m craving a cigarette, and I’m also having a shit ton of regret.
Why, you ask?
Well, if TJ finds out what I did last night, he’s not going to be very happy.
So, since I can’t really tell anyone, I guess I’ll just resort to admitting my wrongs on the fucking internet.
All I can say is that Taylor contacted me, and he called me last night, and that ended up as a six hour conversation.
Taylor said that he still loved me, he missed me, and all of that retarded shit.
If I wasn’t so exhausted, I think I’d be cringing.
He said he realized that I was the only person that cared about him, and it was too late.
He knows he ruined it, though.
Then, he started with the, “if you were single” shit and the, “if we were together again” nonsense.
Honestly, I didn’t really feed too much into it, besides just abruptly changing the subject.
I’d consider being friends with him, but I don’t really know if I can handle being anything more ever again.
I don’t trust him.
Taylor makes me laugh, and that’s about it.
However, if I start up school in August again, I’ll probably see him there, which is inevitable.
He kept saying that he hopes I’m happy with TJ, but he didn’t say it in a shitty way.
I am happy with TJ, but this work shit is seriously draining me inside, still.
Something has got to give.
I honestly can’t believe I’ve stooped this low.
Why the actual fuck am I talking to Taylor?
Why do I always shit on the people who are nothing but good to me?
I don’t fucking get it.
I don’t think TJ would be upset if he found out, because honestly, I don’t even think he’d believe I would do that.
Lo and behold, though, look at me.
Now, I would never get back with Taylor.
Regardless if he’s changed or not, I still don’t ever want to take the gamble of wasting more of my time, trying to see if he really is different.
I don’t usually go back to exes out of desperation, and the fact that I contacted TJ again in the first place was seriously a big deal.
They usually contact me first, and knowing myself, I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, and talk to them for a little bit, and call it good.
But I had missed TJ so much in the first place, and that’s what drove me to contact him.
However, I don’t really miss Taylor, and he’s just an immature man baby, and that’ll never fucking change.
I’m just slightly nervous about this interview tomorrow, so I need to focus on myself for once.
I don’t know how it’s going to go, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m getting myself into, here.
I’m getting myself into another shit show.
Tales of a Sociopath. 