Well, last night kind of sucked ass.
First of all, my legs feel like fucking Jello because I walked all the way to Taylor’s house yesterday for the hell of it.
It took me about 45 minutes, so it wasn’t too bad.
Then again, I don’t think I’ve ever sweat that much in my entire life.
My mom and I had it out last night literally over nothing, then Taylor and I had it out over literally nothing.
He basically complained about everything I did, but then it turned into him giving me advice.
He said he loved me, but he had to be tough on me sometimes.
Taylor basically told me that my mom controls me, and I let her, and I know that.
He said I just need to start doing things on me own, and if nobody else likes it, then fuck them.
Sadly, he’s right.
I’m literally afraid and I limit myself to make other people happy, and it has to stop.
Then, he said he thinks I’m going to flake out on him for when we go to move out, because he knows my mom is going to convince me to stay, and he thinks I’m going to listen to her.
I already told him that even though I’m spineless and shit, that doesn’t mean I’m not NOT going to do what I want to do.
I said about the whole moving out thing, that I have my heart set on it, and when I’m set on something, I’m going to get it.
Now, we’re trying to focus on getting out of here by the end of this year, which is kind of pushing it.
But if we really put our minds to it, I’m sure we can make it happen.
He put in the work for his ex bitch, so why can’t he put in the work for me?
Taylor is literally all I have at this point, and I really don’t want anything to be fucked up anymore.
We’ve looked at furniture, and I don’t really think we need that much.
We can take my bed, we have my TV and his TV, I have shelves and shit, so we really just need the basic stuff.
We can find a decent couch, and really, just dishes and food.
Like, you don’t need rugs and coffee tables and whatnot to live.
We should just get what we really need to use at first, then slowly add on to what we have.
On the bright side, Taylor gave me a piece of information that would really fucking help us.
His cousin, who we will call Zane, has a girlfriend.
And she’s a fucking realtor.
So, she can help us look for somewhere to go when we’re ready to get going.
And when Taylor and I go to Walmart and Target and shit, he always wants to look at furniture, and I think it’s the cutest thing.
At least he’s actually taking an interest, because I’m used to Max, who says shit and never wants to talk details.
I just want to be with Taylor for a long time, because he makes me so happy.
He gives me advice I need to hear, that I’m not going to get from my mom, let alone a friend.
He really does care, and I’d be stupid if I left that behind.
Meanwhile, I’m going to my eye doctor appointment thing today, and I’m kind of anxious because I have no idea what the fuck they’ll be doing to me.
They said to expect to be there for up to three fucking hours.
How many god damn tests will they be doing on me for me to be sitting in that dump for that long?
I hope to fuck not, but it is what it is.
Honestly, I know it’s horrible, but I’m more concerned about Taylor than my own fucking eyeballs.
I need both to live.